My own submission

If you have been following me long, you know I am part of the BDSM lifestyle and love it.

Now, with that being said, I am mostly Dominant and only submit to my husband, whom I trust with everything....but even then, to this point I have chosen to submit.

This weekend, he took things up a notch to a point were I had not choice, I just did.  It was the most freeing experience of my BDSM life thus far.  He said all the right things, brought my body alive one small touch at a time and kept me tuned to his whim for hours.  MIND BLOWN!

Afterward, I was scared....I have never been pushed like that...but for him to hold me and tell me how beautiful I am to him...to feel his love and affection for giving myself to him in those ways....OMG...a dream come true!

As we polish out the details of our BDSM poly contact, and how brining in other play partners or potential lovers will effect us and our family we are growing stronger in our dynamics together and communication.  We aren't looking to be a full poly family!!  We don't plan to actually "date" others but we may have D/s relationships with other friends we are close with to make life more enjoyable when our children are safely with other family members for the evening.

WE protect our children with everything and that is what is important to us first and foremost.

heading into 5k week two

Last week I accomplished my 5k training with 4 runs :)  I thought day one was hard....on NO!!  Day 2 was awful, I was sore and the run was miserable, but I pushed through....barely, but I did it.  I did the workout #1 for run 1 and 2.  I thought I would do it again on run3, but increased to the workout #2 and was so happy I did.  I did it, still annoying shin splints a bit and well...no form :)  Then I did workout#3 on run 4....technically I am not counting day 1, as I did it by trial and then started a new 5k program and am spot on, everyother day running.

Today starts week2 of training (8 week program if done consistantly)...I will be happy if I am done in 12 weeks, I may have to do a few workouts more than once to feel I have accomplished it fully.  But still...I feel good after a run...not so much during, but I am told that gets better with time.

These first challenges you walk 5 minute warm up, then run 1 minute and walk 1.5 minutes for 6 times, then 5 minute cook down.

1 minute...never seemed so long at times....but here are the  reasons why I am running!

1 - for ME!
2- for my health
3- for my husband
4- for son #1
5-for son #2
6-for my daughter
7-for toned legs
8-to lose my post c-sections(3) belly
9-to prove I can
10-to feel alive

I think about how I will feel crossing my first 5k finish line...and keep going!

When I run, it is me and my head...a lot like yoga.  I am making my body prove to me that it can do these things.  I am rejoicing when it does and treating it better for working for me.

It is just me and the sidewalk/pavement.....I look to the next crack, rock, clump of dirt and run to it, then look to the next....GO GO GO!  I can do this :)

SOOO much this weekend - part 2 Running to and from

Another big step this weekend was that I went Shampoo free, using only baking soda and water on my hair.  I have Dr. Bronners coming to help the process, but I am attempting to go more natural and eco friendly.  My hair was fine after day one, but now on day 2....a bit greasy and not looking its best.  I am told to hang in there cause the first month can be rough.  Overall, I feel good about doing it.

and secondly, I took my first run!
Decided last week to register for my first 5k.  It will take place Oct. 27, 2012.  I paid my money, saw my Doctor to make sure I was healthy enough to do it.  Got the okay and bought running shoes the same day.  I ended up buying Asics.   Took them for a walk on Friday to break them in.  Downloaded 5k runner app (by couch to 5k) for my iphone and yesterday I took my first run.

This experience was hard, fun, wonderful, terrible, and emotional.

The 5 minute walking warm up was great.  I was stoked.  I was listening to my iphone music and the first song was "Videogames" by Lana Del Rey and she sang me through my warm up.

The last minute of my warm up "Sail" by Awolnation came on and it pumped me up for my very first run...I was ready, or so I thought.  I ran my first minute and thought....OH SHIT, do I really want to do this?  But I kept on, 1 minute running, 1.5 minutes walking (6 sets)....I cycled through music: "crystalize" by Lindsey Stirling, "The power is mine" by Lords of Acid....and on my last 1 minute run it was "Unbreakable" by Honor by August.....I gave it my everything and after that last minute run...........

I CRIED!  I smiled and cried.  I was proud of myself, I was amazed I could do it, I felt accomplished and as I cooled down to "Ever After" by Mariannas Trench....I realized that everyone of the songs had meaning to me in this journey.

I ran (jogged really) where I could be seen.  I have no form and probably looked ridiculous, but at least I was doing it.  If someone recognizes me and brings it up, I will proudly say I am training for my first 5k.

I did a cool down/stretching yoga and drank plenty of water.  I feel good today, a little sore, but after shooting big guns the day before...it all feels good.  I feel a different kind of ALIVE and I love it.

Today I rest, then run again Tuesday.  I am excited and hope to meet my goal !

Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me.  <3

SOOO much this weekend...part 1 - Shooting Shit

Many wonderful new experiences this weekend :)

First off, my first week of doing more of the sugar detox diet went well.  I significantly decreased my carbs and fat intake.  I did still enjoy some beer, but not sure if that is going to change, especially in the summer months.  I feel better and am really enjoying all the fresh vegetables in our diet now.  I drink water, black coffee, or an occasional beer....no soda.

Saturday I went to the "WITO" (Women in the outdoors) event near Volga, SD.  It was a great day and it gave women a chance to learn, ask questions and have some hands on help with many guns.

I shot the following:

Archery - this scared me the most for some reason, but it was like the yoga of weaponry!!  LOVED IT!

It took me awhile to pop my balloon and get a good grouping, but once I had the hang of it, it was proper body alignment and breathing that got me through.

I the worked my way to a 9mm, then 45mm, then a 22 revolver

Then I had some big boys :)
357 Magnum
44 Magnum....swoon!

I shot that target like I meant business, and it felt so good!

I then became aquainted with the shotguns and rifles.

20 gauge shotgun was a bit light for my liking. (pump action)
I really like the 12 gauge shotgun and Mossberg turkey gun!!!  I thought shooting stationary targets wasn't too bad, but shooting clays...no way!!!  BUT I HIT 3 of 7 thrown :)  I was told that was as good as most men !! YAY!!  I can't wait to go shooting with my husband!

But then.....they pulled out something and I was in lust at first sight.
AR 223/AR 15 and a Glock

I rocked the Glock....6 for 6 on the targets~!
Then I want to AR 15 sitting....not great but got the feel for it.
AR15 prone....6 for 6 at 100 yards!!

I then took that bad boy, stood and hit 5 for 6 standing :)  I am ready for the zombie apocolypse and loved every damn second of it!!


Overall this was an extradinary experience for my girlfriends and I.  WE are so excited to do it again, and I am hoping my husband and I can do more shooting together.  I am already looking at guns!  Fell for a AR15 set up to shoot .22 :)  in pink of couse.

Letting go, moving on, constant change = evolution

I feel like I am spring cleaning my mind, things are changing and I need to let go, move on and keep on keeping on.

I want to be a success in being a wife, mother, career woman, friend, etc.
I want to start my photography.
I want to finish my items for the Oct. fashion show
I want to be part of the Arts Council and volunteer with Habitat for Humanity
I want to do yoga and start running
I want to eat better and feel better
I want a social life outside of work
I want to do more with my husband
I want to take a honeymoon
I want to buy a house
I want to visit JTB in NYC!
I want to get my new passport
I want to go to Paris for work
I want to buy new clothes, shoes, undergarments (items that are my style)
I want to clean out the clutter in my life
I want to write a book or two
I want to find my sex goddess again
I want to keep up on my food blog



....well I want a lot...what am I going to do about it?

Tears and fears

Today my life changes.

That sounds so profound...but really our lives change everyday, with every choice we make.  But what makes today different, you ask?  Today my bestmate, JTB, and I have our last lunch date before he moves away to be a BIG CITY MAN. (New Jersey Gay Hipster)  I am so proud of him for following a dream and doing what he wants to do!  If I wasn't married with kids and a great career....you bet I would be going right along with him.

In our history together, he has a tendancy to leave me.    We met,  he invited me to a Halloween party, and left me for a boy....left me with a boy I didn't know, but an upstanding one so it was okay.  We fell in friendship and he left for the Navy....his life as a Gay Sailor was cut short and he returned to me.  He arrived on my 30th birthday and we picked right up in our whirlwind courtship where we had left off.  He convinced me to be his roommate, to move to a town an hour and a half away without a job...because "Brookings is better" he said.  And I did!  We went out for New Year's Eve....at 2 minutes to Midnight, "Don't stop believing" started to play at Skinners...he hugged me, kissed me on the cheek, wished me a happy new year and flew out the door to meet a boy.  And this has been our relationship...we are there for eachother, and he runs when he has too.  I do feel like the Dr's companion, I am always chasing after him and yet not.  He will always come back because he knows I love him for who he is, douche and all!

I have thought, cried, wrote and continue to write our adventures in my Dr. Who Journal he gave me as a wedding gift before he strapped on a bow tie and married my husband and I. 

I read once, that if you find a woman to shave your back, you have found your perfect woman....well, I did that for him 3 or 4 weeks after we met....so I guess, I am his perfect woman....or at least that is what I am going to let myself believe :)

I am going to miss him so very much!  His journey will now hold stories that I won't be in, and exciting times I wish I could share with him.  I hope to make a trip to see him so that our journey never ends!  We are companions, just looking for the Dr. in two places, in different times of our lives and I just hope we continue to meet over and over again!  I don't want to be forgotten anymore than he does.

I love you JTB!  Geronimo :)

50 shades....black and white

UGH.....So my husband has finished the 1st book in the 50 Shades of Grey series.  I feel that the underlying erotic romance of the book is eluding him.  He completely gets the "kinky fuckery", but he isn't understanding the actions/words leading up to this electric carnal need the Mr. Grey and Miss Steele have vibrating and crackling between them.  The way Mr. Grey devotes himself to her.  THe way she tenderly loves her man of few emotions.  (this is what gets us going guys!!!...the kinky fuckery is the cherry on top)

I have a big, strong, handsome, Dominant man of few emotions.  I wish sometimes that he had that electric carnal need of me - the way I feel for him.  And maybe he does, it just doesn't register for me as often as I like, but when it does....WOAH!  I can think of nothing and no one but him, our intimacy is enhanced, his every touch is enhanced 10x.  But when I am down or feel we are distant..that is when other thoughts run into my fantasy land. 

I am now also reading, The Nice Girls Guide to talking Dirty.  I think adding some more steam vocabulary to describe these fantasies of him and others will only help ramp up our sex drives!  And help clue him into what I think he is missing :)

To give him credit, he did say that it seemed like Mr. Grey loves Miss Steele, he just doesn't know how to show it....LOL

Oh my man!