Body Image

Last week, upon entering the Dr.'s office, I was led to the dreadful machine in the corner that tells me my weight.  As if in agony, I slowly stepped on and closed my eyes.  I hate this part, I hate feeling like no matter how healthy I eat or how often I am at the gym...this number never seems to reflect it.  But I looked...........265............gasp!  I must have been thinking about cupcakes and mentally gained a few extra pounds.  Now to be honest...I don't keep a lot of track of my weight.  In my blog from last year before my wedding "Puddles goes to Yoga" I kept track on inches.  I still check these numbers from time to time and thought I haven't seen a decrease....I haven't seen an increase either.

I have noticed that my middle is trimming and my butt is getting higher ( I say bigger, but my husband likes it).  I will always have larger legs and I am loving my running calves!  In all this, I have started to look at myself in the mirror every morning and REALLY see my body.  Yes, I don't like all of it, but I certainly don't hate it anymore either.  I am going to continue to work on loving myself and my body!

My concern is for my daughter, I don't want her to grow up with a Mom that is always down on herself about the way she looks.  I don't want her to learn negative body image from me!!!  She will have enough to deal with outside our home.  I want her to see a woman who is strong and happy and loves herself and her body.  Someone who eats healthy and takes time to enjoy excercise.  I don't want her to see someone who is upset and struggling to constantly lose weight and be some "better" version of herself. 

Good values and good self image start at home.  I saw my Mom struggle with her weight.  She worked very hard to change eating habits and work out.  And DAMN, she lost the weight and has really kept it off.  I am SO proud of her!  But what I realized recently is that my Mom looks great and still very much talks about disliking her body and her struggle with her weight.  To me and everyone else, she looks amazing!  I don't know why she can't see it, but I know I don't want to be that way.  I worried about my weight at a young age, I was naturally bigger (more voluptuous) than the other girls and I was very self concsious of it.  I took up smoking at 15 so I had something to do while other kids ate lunch.  I remember as a Junior in high school my lunch consisted of a cigarette, one stick of beef jerky and tomato juice....god forbid I touch pizza or anything like that.   But what I did in those years, ruined my metabolism later in life.

I need to make healthy choices for me, my family and our futures.  Part of that is being happy with me, even if my size never changes.  I can be healthy at any size!

Charmaine