Tears and fears

Today my life changes.

That sounds so profound...but really our lives change everyday, with every choice we make.  But what makes today different, you ask?  Today my bestmate, JTB, and I have our last lunch date before he moves away to be a BIG CITY MAN. (New Jersey Gay Hipster)  I am so proud of him for following a dream and doing what he wants to do!  If I wasn't married with kids and a great career....you bet I would be going right along with him.

In our history together, he has a tendancy to leave me.    We met,  he invited me to a Halloween party, and left me for a boy....left me with a boy I didn't know, but an upstanding one so it was okay.  We fell in friendship and he left for the Navy....his life as a Gay Sailor was cut short and he returned to me.  He arrived on my 30th birthday and we picked right up in our whirlwind courtship where we had left off.  He convinced me to be his roommate, to move to a town an hour and a half away without a job...because "Brookings is better" he said.  And I did!  We went out for New Year's Eve....at 2 minutes to Midnight, "Don't stop believing" started to play at Skinners...he hugged me, kissed me on the cheek, wished me a happy new year and flew out the door to meet a boy.  And this has been our relationship...we are there for eachother, and he runs when he has too.  I do feel like the Dr's companion, I am always chasing after him and yet not.  He will always come back because he knows I love him for who he is, douche and all!

I have thought, cried, wrote and continue to write our adventures in my Dr. Who Journal he gave me as a wedding gift before he strapped on a bow tie and married my husband and I. 

I read once, that if you find a woman to shave your back, you have found your perfect woman....well, I did that for him 3 or 4 weeks after we met....so I guess, I am his perfect woman....or at least that is what I am going to let myself believe :)

I am going to miss him so very much!  His journey will now hold stories that I won't be in, and exciting times I wish I could share with him.  I hope to make a trip to see him so that our journey never ends!  We are companions, just looking for the Dr. in two places, in different times of our lives and I just hope we continue to meet over and over again!  I don't want to be forgotten anymore than he does.

I love you JTB!  Geronimo :)

50 shades....black and white

UGH.....So my husband has finished the 1st book in the 50 Shades of Grey series.  I feel that the underlying erotic romance of the book is eluding him.  He completely gets the "kinky fuckery", but he isn't understanding the actions/words leading up to this electric carnal need the Mr. Grey and Miss Steele have vibrating and crackling between them.  The way Mr. Grey devotes himself to her.  THe way she tenderly loves her man of few emotions.  (this is what gets us going guys!!!...the kinky fuckery is the cherry on top)

I have a big, strong, handsome, Dominant man of few emotions.  I wish sometimes that he had that electric carnal need of me - the way I feel for him.  And maybe he does, it just doesn't register for me as often as I like, but when it does....WOAH!  I can think of nothing and no one but him, our intimacy is enhanced, his every touch is enhanced 10x.  But when I am down or feel we are distant..that is when other thoughts run into my fantasy land. 

I am now also reading, The Nice Girls Guide to talking Dirty.  I think adding some more steam vocabulary to describe these fantasies of him and others will only help ramp up our sex drives!  And help clue him into what I think he is missing :)

To give him credit, he did say that it seemed like Mr. Grey loves Miss Steele, he just doesn't know how to show it....LOL

Oh my man!

Featured:

I am featured in a friend's blog, showing her fashions :)  This is the photo shoot post, there is also one for the runway show.

http://reinventingtheworldoffasion.blogspot.com/2012/02/my-little-cupcake-update.html

Watch for our future collaboration line of lingerie :)

She anticipated his arrival.........

......They had made plans to meet for lunch at 11:30.  He would pick her up.  She had texted him a few times to try and find out where they would eat, but he gave nothing away.  She continued to work, distracted by the clock in the lower right hand corner of her computer screen.  She was screaming on the inside for him to arrive already.   

Slowly the door opened, and there he was all shining blue eyes and smiles.  That deviant little quirk on his lips and her breath hitched in response.  As he sauntered to her desk, she saw fabric in his hands.  "Here, put this on" he said with a smile.  As she held up the fabric, it was a clingy shift dress with a pattern of black and shades of grey.  "Now?" she asked.  "Are you here alone today?" He responded.  She nodded her head, "then yes, Now...in there" as he pointed to the conference room across the hall.  She slowly stood and started for the conference room.  She was anxious, but she was alone.  No one was in the office, she wouldn't be caught, it was okay.  As she went to close the door, he grabbed it and walked in behind her. GULP, ok now she was nervous.  He stood so close, she could feel the heat radiate from his skin.  He slowly ran his fingers up her exposed arm and she shivered.  "I want to see you in that new dress" he said softly in her ear.  Her blood was boiling in an instant.  She slowly pulled the old dress she was wearing up over her head.  "mmmmm' escaped his lips as his hand ran over the smooth black satin of her panties.   She shivered again, her body heating too fast to regulate.  Suddenly his hand was in her hair, his lips so close to her ear "I would love to take you right here" and he bent her over the conference room table.  The table was so cold against her stomach, she could feel her nipples straining against the lace of her bra.  He parted her legs with his and slowly ran his other hand up her thigh.  She was hot, wet, ready and then SMACK a warm sting moved through her, waves of heat emulating from her smooth backside.  She hadn't realized she was holding her breath until that moment, as she let it all out and it came again, filling every pore with electricity.  "Be a good girl and give it to me" he growled in her ear and with the next shock wave she unraveled.  Kissing her shoulder, he helped her back to an upright position and helped her into the new dress.  "You look amazing, ready for lunch?" he grinned.  He grabbed her hand to walk her to the car.

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Real or fiction?

I don't claim to be a writer, I write because I love to :)

50 shades of F*kd up

Well, to be honest, I didn't think this series was too bad until the end of book 2.  I am seriously "rolling my eyes" and my "twitchy palm" would like to slap someone.   Now, I don't know where it leads and maybe book 3 will bring me back and not be as bad as I anticipate....but the cliff hanger makes me cringe in "cliche-land"

I don't want to give away any spoilers yet or make too many assumptions until I am done with the series....but I am really frustrated right now.  The characters are great....the author needs a thesaurus!!
And she could read a few more BDSM related books to get a few clues :)

Still very romantical!  My husband and I are having fun reading this together and adding some extra D/s fun to our own lives : )  I am excited to see his "rule" list.

Here's to keeping things caliente!

KY here I come......

That is a dirty title....LOL

I am flying to Kentucky today for work.  Excited, yes....why?  Because I might get to finish book 2 in the 50 shades of grey trilogy.  After moving, unpacking, stressing about my new job....I am excited for just a few evenings of me time....wine and mommy porn....LOL

Mostly, I will be in airports over the next few days, but so be it.  I am going to miss my family so much, but when I get back we will have a big family fun day at the zoo!  And I am excited that this year there will be NO breastfeeding and my baby girl can walk and react to what she sees.  This is going to be SO fun!

I have been a serious bitch lately, not on purpose.  I am hormonal, bloated....crampy.  Thought I was going to get my period weeks ago...but nope, FINALLY TODAY....this will make traveling so much more enjoyable (sarcasm central!)  But I hate the feeling!  LIke I can't control my emotions, I hate being so edgy with my more than wonderful family,

I love my husband so much, he is so amazing in the line of adversity or my bitchiness :)

Can't wait to get home to him again!

Bustin' a move and leaking

Part 1 - Bustin' a move and leaking
Friday night I spent at JTB's "sorry for party rockin" Birthday/Going away party!  We started the night with a shot of Patron and all things get better from there.  We drank, we yelled at people on Main St. from his apartment windows. (Our old apartment, the Penthouse on Main)  Then we went to the Main St. Pub to sing, and sing we did!  We sang "don't stop believing", JTB requested that I sing "Stay" by lisa loeb for his, so I did.  And then I sang "2am" by Anna N. for him :)   We sobbed and hugged like school girls, it was so emotional....or was it the free beers we snagged in true US fashion that tipped us just over that emotional edge?  I don't know, but our eyes were leaking because our hearts hurt.  We decided at that point we needed to bust a move, so we headed to the Lantern to own the dance floor :)  IT was great!!!

Part 2- Bustin a move and leaking
Saturday started our MOVE.  My husband, daughter and I made our first move as a family.  Unfortunately it is not to a house...hopefully by next spring :)  But the new apartment is larger in some ways, smaller in others, but allows more room for entertaining and is really close to Downtown, parks, movie theater, daycare :)  It should be a nice summer and fall being so close to everything !  THe move was hectic, as I am leaving for another business trip this week in Kentucky.  I wanted everything done and somewhat organized.  I have some great friends!  I might not have a lot of close friends, but the ones I have are AMAZING!!!  We got help moving and organizing.  I have girlfriends that are cleaning my old apartment while I am away, so it is ready for our checkout.

The only real downfall at this point, is my allergies also flaired up this weekend and I have a sinus headache from hell...also, now that I am almost 33 and have had 3 kids....I am now one of those women that leaks when I sneeze....I mean, men have no idea the embarrassment that women endure after having children!!!  Ugh....now to find grey hair I am sure :)

50 shades deeper....

So, I have begun book 2..."Fifty Shades Darker".... and my husband started the first book today.  I am so pleased that he would even try it.  He is interested to see what has my body humming in overdrive these days, and I love him more for taking interest : )

I am trying to understand for myself why this *Christian* character appeals to me.  It certainly isn't his past or his rich family.  His drive and ambition, his sense of self, his whole dimeanor is quite appealing.  His tastes, his sheer power....regardless of the money factor...though to be honest money is power, so that certainly helps his boistrous endeavers.   I wouldn't turn down a great home, great clothes, etc, etc, etc.   I really like how in control he is and that he outwardly shows it.

Miss Steele.....well, she is a good girl who knows nothing of her own sexuality, thinking "vanilla" is normal and the only way.....well doesn't she get a surprise :)   And at this point, she is enjoying it more (spoiler if you aren't to book 2).   I understand she isn't submissive really, she is a little sassy and enjoys giving just a bit of control over....that is her perogative. 

The submissive has the power, a Dominant is not a Dominant, if they do not have someone or something to dominate....right?!   Well, part true.   Respectfulness is a must regardless, working to always get what you want is not okay.....power exchange is to be a mutually beneficial arrangement !   Communication and Compromise (negotiations) are as big a part as any other relationship, and TRUST IS KEY!   Do not break that trust.

I guess my real irritation is with romance novels in general...always the handsome, rich, deeply troubled man and the sweet, innocent girl that helps him find the light......same story, different author every single time.   This really has prompted me to write and consider my own story lines.  Truly, life can be so much better than fiction....I could roll my own story out with some added fictional twists and make it so much better........

And why is the MALE never submissive.....come on now....equal rights!!!

So, I will continue into the shades of Grey, and I will let you know what my husband thinks :)

And I am going to start my writing again and maybe post some stuff here.

50 shades of .....GREY FOR SURE!!!

There is alot being said about this 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy, though I haven't yet listened to any of it.  I know there is a huge following, I know there are a lot of people who love and hate it, but I haven't read one review....NOT ONE!!   I was asked by my best-mate, JTB if I had heard of it...I hadn't.  He said I might like it based on the other things he knows I have read, so I decided to give it a try.  I bought all 3 books before a business trip with the intent to get at least the first book read...mission accomplished.

I read the first 3 pages the night I bought the books and can say I was highly unimpressed!  At that point, JTB pointed out that they started from a Twilight Fan Fiction.....I died, almost got sick and had to seriously look at whether I was actually going to read it.   I won't mention that again, as just the thought truly makes me dislike the concept....I am not a huge Twilight fan and refuse to read the books, for the record.

As I got into the book a little more, though the writing style isn't maybe my favorite, Miss Steele is a lovable girl, I think her characteristics help many woman recognize themselves a bit.  She is sweet, sassy, hard working, adventurous, clumsy and most of all a hopeless romantic.  I know this has been called "Mommy Porn"....I can see that.   I am a Mother and I love to read some paranormal romance via Christine Feehan from time to time.  But this book appeals to me even more, because I am a bi-sexual, BDSM lifestyle switch. 

Now from that stand point......(1st book review only)
THIS IS FICTION!  Christian Grey....though a great fantasy man.....DOES NOT EXIST!!! {that I know of...but if he does...PLEASE COME FIND ME :) }

From my standpoint....Christian does most everything by the book, aka formal protocol....other than the stalking part :)  

Here is where I am NOT okay:  I agree with Miss Steele, that Mrs. Robinson is a pedophile!!  ANYTHING OF THIS NATURE WITH A MINOR IS NOT OKAY!!!!! EVER!!!    As much as a part of me has analyzed and continues to analyze the factors that bring someone into this type of lifestyle, in or out of the bedroom, and believe many people do have childhood traumas they are acting on.  This takes that way to far and though it may help Miss Steele and Us love him and want to help him....it is seriously messed up!

Onto the "RRofP".......OH HOW I WISH!!!   Just the idea of all that equipment makes me squirm a bit :)

THis is a romance story with a kink in the sex....that is it thus far.   I am happy that it is hitting "vanilla" readers, but wish it wasn't so romantisized and over the top...because that really doesn't help anyone understand those of us who enjoy other flavors : )  Yes, we still enjoy vanilla too...at least sometimes.

Onto book 2......

6 week review

I have now been a Mrs. for 6 weeks : )   I have started my new career and it is deliciously cheesy!  I have traveled for work, as has my husband.  We have only been home together half of our marriage at this point, but we are still in love and the time away and forced us to continually up our communication skills and in the end, is very positive for us.

We are preparing to move to our new apartment......UGH!!!  I hate moving...I really just want to a nice house and to settle down :)  You know, I am old school.  I want the American dream of buying a great house (that is big enough for our future) and NEVER moving again......oh to dream.  We looked at homes in our area, but the market is so crazy, either low end needs lots of repair and old...or pretty high end....and we just don't make enough to do either.  I guess that makes us part of the lower middle class..

We are planning our honeymoon for this fall before my work gets really busy.  I am excited to see what we decide to do.  It won't be anything too expensive, just a start to our hopefully many trips together.  I am very excited to possibly do some international travel for work and for my husband to come along :)

Our children are growing, growing, growing.....our little girl walks, climbs, communicates.  The boys are finishing the school year, and will soon by 1st and 2nd graders.  This year I marked my 9th Mother's Day....I just can't believe that.

My health.....well, I feel fine, but my exercise and eating routine did not become habit and I can just tell that I have gained the weight and inches back.  I am very upset with myself, but plan to start again on June 1st!

Life is good, always a little rocky, but never too terrible.

I hope to keep a better posting timeline now.