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"Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health."  ~Julia Child ~



Complacency  can hurt you!  Sure we may like stability and routine, it helps us feel less overwhelmed.  But take time to continue to learn and explore...you only get one life on this earth (say most religious views) so live it up. 

I have heard and experienced the "rut" a relationship can fall into.  Kids, jobs, pets, health issues...so many things can find us needing and wanting our routines.   Couples can choose to grow apart or grow together in many situations.  Make the effort, have date night, plan a "sexy" evening when you know you have the time.  Moderation....switch it up. 

Recently, we had "date night".  We went out to dinner and a movie.  Dinner was good, but almost awkward, because we didn't feel we could have "sexy talk" around so many people at Applebee's.  The movie was ok, but we didn't like the crowded seating.   So, what do you do....we get Netflix and Hulu and buttered Microwave popcorn and wine....we have movie night at home.   We both cook better than most restaurants (my brother's excluded!)    Maybe our next date night will be a play, or an outdoor adventure; who knows, but we are going to keep trying new things together and learning about one another.

Now to flip this to D/s:  The same "rut" can happen.  The Dom and sub, know what they like, how to accomplish a good scene.   But does it all start to feel the same.  Great, you are doing a good job meeting both of your needs, but don't you want to keep exploring?    Push eachother a little, talk about new things to try.  Go to munches or seminars and meet new people.  Even if you try something and don't like it, you can still do what you know works, but you can say you have more knowledge about yourself in the end : )

"The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude."

~Julia Child~

 

Julia is right about so many things, hence why she is an inspiration to me in many ways.  Take this quote and remove the word "cooking" and then fill in other areas of your life and go for it with GUSTO!

 

~Puddles~

"I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes.

~ Edna St. Vincent Millay~

Who's job is it to:

*keep the romance alive in a relationship

*pick up the extra slack

*communicate honestly

*address the hard issues

*clean the house

*etc, etc. etc. ??????

Let me tell you what I think, but this is just my limited opinion : )  It doesn't matter what kind of relationship you have;vanilla, kinky, D/s, poly, roommates, family....it is EVERYONE'S responsibility.  Each person involved in a relationship is responsible to be active in that relationship.

Now, specifically, I recently had a child.  Amazing gift!  Great changes and joys.  But, did our sex life take a turn for the worse?  Absolutely NOT!  My loving Dominant did make me wait the full 6 weeks after childbirth to have sex or play in anyway.  It was hard for me, but he incorporated other Dominant aspects into everyday life to help me feel secure.  Our time is more limited now, but we both make the effort and because of that, the intensity has risen to great heights.

Somedays, I am tired, I feel old, fat, unattractive, etc.  But my Dominant helps me to feel good about myself and his love for me, and I use that to help empower myself.  Somedays I am my own ego boost and I give that right back to him.  This give and take in all aspects of our relationship is what makes it work.  We talk about everything...even the hard and hurtful issues.  We don't yell at eachother, we don't judge or degrade the other's feelings.  I don't care what religion you are or how you were raised, if you let go of yourself just a little and look out for the best interest of the one you love, amazing things can happen and the bond forged is like no other.

But like the beginning quote says, if I hadn't made many of my own mistakes along the way, I could not have seen my joy now so clearly.

~Puddles~